i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we should paint friendship bongs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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