did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
