I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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