goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
