Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
