so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
