Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
