Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
