he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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