I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
