I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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