for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
