I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
