If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
