Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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