I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
