you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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