She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
