My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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