Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
