I'm jealous of your bromance
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
