I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
