if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
