I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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