Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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