the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
