so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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