God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Couch. On fire.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
