I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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