How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
