areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
