His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
