Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
