Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
false alarm, still single
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
