Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
