Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
