Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
