he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
