just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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