I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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