took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
organizing the empties. That sober.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
