You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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