I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
