i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
