The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
how drunk are you?
Several
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
