haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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