Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
