Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
