lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
