If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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