I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
