That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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