Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
