Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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