was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
