Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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