she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
two words: eviction party
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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