How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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