Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This house was built for laser tag.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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