so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
