oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
