The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
