I just made out with a guy for $7.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
