Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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