This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
