CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
