Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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