those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
