Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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