Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
