Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
