i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
