Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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