Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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