I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
