At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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