wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
